Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The In-law

Last week we found ourselves in Berberati again, helping ICDI's Agriculture project get off the ground.  Elise, Clarisse's sister, is the cook of one of the missionary families with ICDI.  We typically are not invited to eat with the missionaries for the evening meal and I usually end up visiting with Elise and her family in the evening and Darren generally spends time fixing people's computers or eating out with Roy at some schwiya stand (grilled beef).  This particular week, however, Darren agreed to come with me and visit the family.  Clarisse has three siblings in Berberati: Remy, the oldest of the twelve and also the head of personnel at ICDI, Mattieu, the second oldest son, who splits his time between Berberati and his diamond mines in Nola, and Elise.  Typically, I start by visiting Remy's house as it is closest to the mission.  From there, someone in the family, usually Calvin, the youngest (20), leads me on to Elise's house and from Elise's, Mattieu's.  I generally make it home by 9:00. 
 
In past visits I have typically eaten with Elise and it is whatever the family happens to be having.  I am included as part of the family, as if I was Elise's own sister, with a little extra special treatment (for instance, she wouldn't serve me water from the village, only from the mission).  We may only eat gozo and greens in a sauce, or gozo and caterpillars, as we did three weeks ago, big fresh ones!  Yum.  Earlier on the day in question, Elise was telling me about how Central Africans relate to their in-laws.  Essentially, you are expected to respect your in-laws above your own family.  Anything they ask of you, you do without question.  Thus, it was an extra special treat when we arrived at Elise's for supper to find that she had gone beyond the normal in order to show respect for her brother in-law, Darren.  We were served gozo, meat, greens and sauce and she had prepared donuts and tea for dessert.  Darren was quite honoured after I explained the significance to him. 
 
I have known for a while that Darren is respected by Clarisse's family.  Only Clarisse and Elise ever call Darren by his name.  Most everyone else calls him Monsieur Darren out of respect.  I am called Angela by everyone, except by the children who call me by the appropriate title of Omba (Aunt) Ma Kete or Ma Kota (little mother or big mother) depending on the case.  The other big honour we received this week was by Remy, who introduced me to his friends as his younger sister, then went on to give proof of this relationship.  Given that I am his Gambe (younger sister) this makes Darren his Beau Frere (brother in-law).  So rather than use Darren's name, he only calls Darren 'Beau', in the true Central African custom.  I am thankful and honoured beyond words to be part of this family and I am torn at having to say good-bye.  However, I know my position in the family and according to custom, when I return I will be accorded the same place in the family.
 
Clarisse's aunt, Mama Maggi, has been very ill for sometime without knowing the cause of her illness.  She is a kind hearted woman who was left by her husband when she could not conceive children.  She is a mid-wife and a pharmacist and has raised Clarisse and many other children, most of whom are orphans.  She left two weeks ago to visit her family and mother in nearby Cameroon, but fell gravely ill.  Clarisse was worried sick and wanted her to return to Gamboula but her uncle refused to send her back.  After her two weeks of sick time from her job at the hospital were up we decided to take drastic measures and I rented the hospital ambulance to go and bring back Mama.  Needless to say, the family was not happy to see us, and they were mad that Clarisse had brought the 'white lady with her' to force their hand into agreeing to let Mama Maggi come home with us.  Though it wasn't at all a friendly visit, we returned safely without too much border trouble with Mama.  She has undergone tests all day at the hospital and it is suspected that she has gastric tuberculosis.  Please pray with us for healing for this dear woman.
 
We have made some very important changes in the personnel of the agroforestry program, especially following Constant's accident.  He is on a two-year probation in which any incident, even the pettiest argument, could land him back in jail indefinitely.  We have removed him as the head of the program (a position he probably never should have had) and have put him in charge of the nursery.  Chrysler is now in charge of communications, conducting follow-up with the agroforestry groups and giving seminars.  Medard remains accountant and head of personnel and we are in search of a new head of the centre.  I have been very busy working with both Chrysler and Medard, coming up with report sheets, job descriptions and the like.  We are trying to put together a workable system that will help them do their jobs efficiently and that will facilitate reporting to Roy when he is out of the country.  It has been good to work with these two men, to strategize and empower them in their gifting.  I can't think of a more satisfying job! 
 
Our friends and president of NMSI arrive this Saturday for nearly two weeks of work and travel.  Time is running short but we are trying to make the best of it, to leave work here in a good position to continue on in our absence.