The Bosses, December 2008

 

An Update

A long time gone

I have time to write a quick note to say that we are alive, well, slightly overworked and a little bit cold. All in all, we are very well, though we miss our friends around the globe dearly and are especially missing you since it is now two years since we left CAR and one year since we left Florida. I don’t think I will ever know a time when I am not leaving someone loved behind.

Darren has finished classes for the semester and has two exams to write before Christmas. He loves his studies and every week sees more and more how he is being equipped for our eventual return overseas. He is picking up lots of hours at the hospital as well as weekend work at MEC. He returns to school in January and is set to graduate in May 2010 along with me.

I continue to work at MEC (Mountain Equipment Coop) in the cycling department while continuing with my online studies. I have completed nine courses so far and have three more to go before I start my year of thesis work. Time has been flying by. We are hoping that next year, when I am finished classes, we will have a little more time to enjoy the beautiful West Coast. For now, we catch ourselves gazing out the window as we long to be outside but papers and assignments keep us chained to our computers. But this we know will also pass...

Spring will be another busy time as I prepare for field work and Darren balances five computer science courses and work at the hospital. I will be leaving for Uganda in mid-April along with the rest of my class for a three week practical course assessing human security in various regions of Uganda. I have gained a lot of knew knowledge in the field of food security and am so thankful that I have been able to take this time out for valuable studies. Following my time in Uganda I will hopefully be meeting up with Darren in Cameroon for a trip to Gamboula, CAR where I hope to start my thesis work. I will either be looking at food security in the Congo or in CAR and will let you know the details as they firm up. We hope Darren will be able to spend at least two weeks in CAR getting reacquainted with friends and helping fix all the computer problems he can in those few weeks. I will stay in CAR until the end of June and return to North America in July to complete research and start the endless task of writing. It is a good thing I love writing.

It is threatening to snow today which makes it feel a lot more like Christmas. Things will be very simple for us as Darren is working straight through Christmas, including the 25^th, at the hospital so it will be very quiet around the house.

As for CAR, the nutrition garden continues to serve the community and outlying areas, as well as a large number of Fulani refugees from the violence up north. The agroforestry program was closed down this September and 10 employees were laid off due to funding shortages from a combination of factors including the truck accident this summer. Eloi, our chauffeur and my dear brother, will be in court this Monday (most likely) and we will see what the outcome will be. Please pray for all parties involved, for an end to government corruption and for a fair trial. Also, as I write this, CAR is involved in an all inclusive political dialogue in an effort to end the violence in the northern regions of the country. Insecurity in the country has affected one quarter of the population and has led to awful levels of infant/child/mother mortality, hunger and rape. I have been studying the situation in more and more detail as part of my studies and it is heartbreaking. I am more convinced than ever to continue my studies and return to CAR as soon as possible.

To follow the situation in CAR go to http://hdptcar.net

Blessings and Peace be on you,

Ange

'Do More Good'

The quote below nicely sums up why we want to be present in conflict zones, normally the last place on earth anyone would want to be. Maybe this will help clarify why I have chosen the field of human security and peacebuilding.

"By being present in conflict zones, international organisations can protect civilians and help prevent abuses. Although such contributions alone will not bring CAR out of its crisis, they help to create the breathing-space needed to put peace and stability back on the agenda. Indeed, by helping people to meet their most immediate needs, humanitarians are creating a chance for tension to dissipate, people to come together and stability and development to take root" (Lanzer, T., 2008).

Lanzer, T. (2008). 'Do more good' in the Central African Republic. Accessed October 21, 2008 from ReliefWeb: http://www.reliefweb.int/rw/rwb.nsf/db900SID/VDUX-7KLSAG?OpenDocument

Mama Maggi

Our dear mother, aunt and friend Mama Maggi died this morning after a long illness. While she never had any children of her own she has been a mother to many, including me. She was a graceful, gentle women, dedicated to her family, church and patients. Her life brought us blessing and may her death bring us strength and humility.

You know summer is over when...

The blackberries are ripe!

Back to School

It has been confirmed from a number of sources that summer is over. I can hardly believe it as I am not really sure summer ever began, but as a scientist, I must believe the facts.

The fact is, our summer started with three weeks of intensive classes at Royal Roads University where I officially jumped into graduate student life (which actually means no life). I officially have five courses behind me and another eight or so to go by next May. My first year will culminate with a three week course in Uganda in early April after which we are let loose to start our thesis work. Even though summer was elusive this year, I have thoroughly enjoyed the classes I have taken so far and that, my friends, is why I haven't written a blog post in more than two months. My class work is so interesting and engaging that all of my creative energy has been used in writing papers. That and the fact that hardly anything worth writing about has occurred since I spend most of my time glued to the computer.

Darren has survived a summer of graveyard shifts and is now awake during day-light hours like the rest of us. I have officially reclaimed the bedroom as my study space now that it isn't used as a day-time sleeping sanctuary. Darren starts classes on Wednesday and along with studying maps, statistics and computers, he will be working two shifts a week at the hospital and a few shifts a week at our local Mountain Equipment Coop (MEC). The very MEC where I have been employed for the past 3 months. Our motto has been and remains, "Why work for different companies when you can work for the same one!". We work in different areas (me in cycling, Darren in backstock) but now we will both be tempted to buy outdoor gear we don't really need at really good prices. Darren also survived a summer of Ultimate with no major injuries and he is looking forward to the Fall season.

For me it is more of the same. I will be spending most of my time between work and study with a short break in October to attend NMSI's triennial conference in Bulgaria and Greece. My roommate during the conference, Jen, came up to visit us this August, during which time I did catch a glimpse of summer and spent a day in the lake and a night in a tree fort.

I suppose I should also mention that I did pass my motorcycle license exam and am now speeding (slightly faster than a scooter) down the roads of Victoria. It is far more fun than driving a car and less energy required than cycling, though I still ride my bike to work most days (too cheap to pay for motorcycle parking).

As for news following the accident, I talked to Clarisse this morning and her brother is able to stand but not walk. There is still one bone that has not healed but standing is good. Really good. Roy is now in Gamboula and the judicial aspects of the accident are in full swing. We are praying for a favorable outcome and for calm hearts and minds for all involved. We are especially praying for a righteous judge (there has got to be at least one in all of CAR) to hear the case. The nutrition centre is swamped with children (mostly refugee children of the Fulani) and the garden continues to help as it can. The nutrition garden is hopefully going to be the subject of my thesis work so stay tuned for more details.

It is also back to school time in CAR and we have sent the first wave of school fees off to our student in the capital. This is his final year of school so we are praying for wisdom and a good work ethic for him. We will be sending funds for the Gamboula kids shortly and anyone interested in helping is invited to email us or send a cheque as per the instructions on the side bar of this page. The peace process in the CAR has stalled (and is slipping backwards) so we are praying for peace in a renewed way.

All for now,
Ange

An update on grad school

I have survived the three week intensive start to my graduate studies at Royal Roads! It was actually a fantastic three weeks and while the classes are over I am stil in the midst of writing a paper for one of the classes. I am now into the first of my on-line classes, which I will be doing until November, when the next 3 week intensive starts. I thought that people might be interested to know what types of subjects I am studying and what the discussion looks like. As most of you know I have a particular interest in food security and the following brief essay is taken from my latest contribution to the class discussion on development and social policy.

"I am very interested in the topic of food security. One of the main accomplishments from my time in the Central African Republic was establishing a nutrition garden at the main hospital where we lived. The hospital has a nutrition centre where malnourished children are rehabilitated, sometimes treated for other conditions like TB or malaria, and then are sent home. Many of the kids come in too late for treatment and die at the centre, others come and go as food availability back home does not change, and others improve remarkably and continue with relatively healthy lives. The garden was designed to help mothers learn about the variety of foods it is possible to grow in that area, how to grow them and how to prepare them in a way that maximizes their family nutrition and fits in to normal food consumption patterns in the region. The garden has been running for two and half years now and has been very successful. Seeds from the garden are free to any of the mothers when their children are released from the hospital.

How does this relate to food aid? Before the garden, the nutrition centre relied 100% on products donated from the World Food Program (WFP). They would receive corn flour, yellow split peas, sugar, oil and salt. Of these, yellow split pea was the only protein supplement the children received as meat is very expensive and harder and harder to come by in the region. YELLOW SPLIT PEA DOES NOT GROW IN CAR. Even if it did grow, the product received was not plantable as the seeds were split and therefore damaged. Hundreds of mothers came to see this product dumped from China and the saviour of their children's health and they could not provide it for themselves. The garden has been doing trials of other beans that are suitable for the region and we hope to be able to one day replace the reliance on WFP peas with our own home grown beans one day.

What is holding this process back is that the peas from WFP come free, which is very attractive to a hospital that receives very little outside aid and cannot afford to run the centre without it. Using locally produced beans would require paying for them, so for now, the hospital is unable or unwilling to do it. The garden is run on about $150 a month, all from outside aid coming from the US and Canada.

It makes much more sense for the WFP to buy locally produced beans and then distribute those free of charge, if they must, to the various feeding programs that they support. At least then, when someone puts a few uncooked seeds in their pocket, there is a chance that something even more helpful will grow out of it.

To this end, Canada has made some progress. We recently untied our food aid so that rather than maintaining quotas of how much food aid must be in the form of Canadian grown food, aid agencies can ask Canada for cash instead. This is not the case in the US however. Read the following article to get an idea of how dramatically tied US food aid is to US producers and US transport companies. It is very shameful, and yet, they are looking out for their own citizens which is what governments tend to do, is it not?

http://www.worldpress.org/Americas/3139.cfm

As one who has been on the receiving end of food aid and shipping containers full of donated items, I have seen their harmful, rather than helpful, attributes. Take for example, the donation of used clothing in emergencies. While to North Americans it seems like an altogether generous thing to do to send our things over to people who have no things, what we are really doing is relieving ourselves of guilt while destroying local markets. Do we really think that there is nothing whatsoever in the places where our generosity is destined? By sending large amounts of anything, we are putting small businessmen, who earn a living and contribute to their communities, out of business. Why pay for a new dress when you can get one for free from the charity down the road. The amount that is spent in shipping our generosity around the world could be used to buy the same amount or more from local suppliers, thereby boosting the local economy, not creating jealousies by having some people walking around in 'American' flip flops while the unlucky ones are still wearing the 'local' ones, and not setting the aid worker up as provider of free stuff from America.

I know there is another side to this argument too. What do we do with our over-consumption, if we can't give it to 'poor people'? Won't we un-naturally boost an economy only to have it fall when we leave? By raising the demand for local food won't we skew the price and upset local production and consumption patterns?"

More questions than answers

Here is a recent quote from one of my courses. It provokes a lot of questions. Thought you might enjoy entering the student life with me!

'Teach a man to fish and you can sell him bait for a lifetime.'

A student again

I barely have time to write as I have officially started classes today and accomplishing 3 courses in 3 weeks gives you barely enough time to breath. I freaked out last night, questioned my motives, abilities and general sanity and was somewhat relieved to find that a few other students were thinking the same thing. Graduate studies are a far cry from undergrad work I did 10 years ago. However, Darren assures me that I can do it, and I trust his judgement! I am excited to be learning something practical and to try and make sense of the chaotic and insecure world around us. In my effort to do so I will not be writing for the next 3 weeks but hopefully will be able to catch you all up on my studies when there is room to breath.

Darren, on the other hand has a great IT job in the health region for Vancouver Island, is working at a farm down the road as well and totally cleaned up our house today. I am so spoiled. Wonder what he's cooking for dinner tomorrow?

Me and my mom

In light of my last post which was filled with sadness, I thought it appropriate to share this photo of me and my mom. We went on a little adventure some weeks ago looking for a final resting spot for my grandma, who passed away while I was in the CAR this January. I thank God for my mom, and all the women who have mothered me through the journey.

My one hundredth post

This is post number 100. I wish it could be filled with all manner of good news, but I just got off the phone with Clarisse and it is not all good. Mama Maggie, the aunt who so wonderfully raised Clarisse, is sick and in hospital. She has not been well for the past 2 years or so, so this is no surprise, but it is heart wrenching to hear the pain in Clarisse's voice and to not be able to comfort her in person. Maggie has raised many, many children, most of whom are orphans or unwanted, and though barren, has been a mother many times over. She worked as a mid-wife and then in the hospital pharmacy until illness forced
her to retire. She lives right next door to Clarisse but was taken to the hospital Tuesday when she became too weak to eat and stopped sleeping.

What strikes me is that Tuesday I was burdened with a deep sadness all day. As soon as I got in the car to leave work I started to cry. I cried the entire way home, and into the evening. I was mourning not being in CAR, but it went deeper. Into Wednesday I couldn't get Maggie and others off my mind, but was again burdened by this deep sadness. All I could do was pray, and weep. Now I know why. By Thursday Maggie was beginning to eat and this weekend she could sit up for short periods. I pray she will continue to strengthen and I thank God that even while I am not there and have little communication with Clarisse, my spirit still knows what is going on and I am still able to help.

I also heard last week that Chrysler's oldest brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. Chrysler and his family had not seen his brother for quite a long time as he had been serving in the military in the troubled Birao region of the CAR. I spoke to Chrysler last Monday and gave my condolences to him and his family. He urged me to pray for his family, especially for his mother, and for his brother's widow who is nearly 8 months pregnant.

Death and the possibility of death hang in the air in the CAR all the time. It is not until it gets close to you that you feel the full weight of its burden on your shoulders. I have never felt such sorrow or such joy before I knew the CAR.

On a more joy-filled note, we heard from Calvin this week and he has received good marks on his second semester exams. We were a little worried when his first semester marks came back and he was very behind. However, with the thought of having to leave school and go it alone looming over his head, he really buckled down and has brought his grades up significantly and we are so proud of him. He may just make it afterall.














(Me and Calvin this January in Berberati)

Ignored or Unknown?

I read an interview with Tony Lanzer, the head of the UN Human Rights Commission in the C.A.R. recently. When asked why the CAR has been ignored for so long, his response reminded me that even while we are here in North America, we have an important job to do on behalf of the people of the Central African Republic. He says:

"You can't ignore something unless you know it exists. In spite of its name, nobody knows where the Central African Republic is. Very few people know it is a country and even fewer have time to worry about it. Also, it is surrounded by bigger, more complex countries... Until we inform people of why CAR matters, it never will."

So it isn't so much that CAR has been ignored, it is that nobody really knows that is exists. CAR matters, not only in political terms but more so because of the four million people who call it home, who are suffering from lack of clean water, sufficient food and constant insecurity. The people of CAR matter.

Job Search, take 3

I have finally settled on a job that starts Monday. I know you are all holding your breath to see how long it will last, but I am really looking forward to it. I quit the local garden centre I have been working at this week. It wasn't a bad job at all, and although the pay was not the best, it is a nice distance by bike and the staff are very friendly. One lady in particular was especially friendly and I would have liked to have stayed if not just to work along side her. However, I was hired with the understanding that is was a temporary job to get them through the busy season and that as soon as I found something more permanent I would be leaving. They may not have banked on it only taking a week to find something permanent but that is how it goes. I love working outdoors but will have to go to the thrift store to get some more work clothes. As I write this post it is snowing. Yes, snowing! The hillside outside the house is covered with Spring daffodils and yet we are still in Canada and winter has not had its last word yet. Hopefully this is it.

So the newest job is also at a Garden Centre, way out in Sidney, a good 35 minutes drive so no biking for me. It pays slightly more an hour than my last job, but has a more ECHO-feel about it. They are quite picky about who they hire and they operate very much like a family owned business, with the employees making up the family. They are more of a specialty place and focus on rare and unusual varieties of plants, including a number of native species. While they do mostly retail sales, they also supply to landscapers and do a fair bit of their own propagation. Last week, the day after my interview, I spent 4 hours grafting dogwood and Japanese maple as a special project for the owner. I think this was the hook. I have never been pursued for employment as I have by this nursery.

As I said in an earlier post, the circumstances around this job are equally as 'designed' as the last one. During the two days I was working for the golf course, I ordered plants for a project there from Russell nursery. A few days after quitting the nursery owner called me to find out if I had received the plants they delivered. I then told him that I am sure they received them but that I was no longer working there so wasn't sure. He asked me why I quit as he knew I had only just started. After explaining my life to him he invited me out for an interview that afternoon. The rest is the history of job number three.

I officially start job number three on Monday and will be spending the week dividing bamboo. As we were talking about nursery propagation techniques last week in my interview we hit on the subject of bamboo and I asked him what he used to do their divisions. The tools they use are far from easy so I suggested using a reciprocating saw. He jumped on the idea and so next week I start a new job with a new pair of work gloves, multiple layers of clothing including long-johns and a brand new reciprocating saw, hopefully in pink. (Do they even come in pink?)

The other beautiful thing about the job is that they close down the week before Christmas until the end of January. So I guess I will get to go to C.A.R. for Christmas after all. God is good!

Helping the Cause

I found an old note yesterday written by a friend who gave funds for Gamboula school kids and it said "Happy to help the cause". The note got me thinkng about what is the cause? The cause is helping the suffering, the hungry, widows and orphans. But it is so much more than a cause. The cause is real people, with real feelings of sorrow, hopelessness and joy. With our highly digitalized age of e-mail and cell phones it seems that we can stay far more connected than ever before but also be so disconnected at the same time. I hadn't realized it until the last few weeks of living in Canada. For the last six years I have been living a highly relational life. On the ECHO farm when you want to talk to someone or find out how someone is you walk over to their house, or stop and chat on the way to work or out by the pond fishing for supper. In Gamboula there are no phones or e-mail. You walk down to your friends house to see how they are. There is no phoning first to see if it is a good time or not. The face to face encounter keeps us real, keeps us humble, keeps us involved. When you look into the eyes of your friends it is much harder to forget their humanness.

I started a new job last week (I quit yesterday as I found something more permanent). I have been working at a local garden centre this week and in the get to know your colleague encounters I always mention where I have lived the last 5 or 6 years. There are three general reactions. The first reaction is the 'that's nice, but I have no idea what you are really talking about and let's not talk about it again', the second reaction is 'oh my god, I could never live there and weren't you scared for your life all the time!' and the third is ' that is so interesting, please tell me more'. I totally understand the first reaction as most people have absolutely no frame of reference for what I am talking about, or feel some kind of guilt for one reason or another. The second reaction makes me laugh because it is the same reaction members of my family have had and it is usually from a seriously misinformed individual. However, it also makes me very sad when I realize that people with the reaction of 'oh my god I could never live there' have not ever thought that people just like themselves actually do live there. The 'cause' is seeing that real people, born with the same potential as ourselves live in the places where we would never want to live. They are PEOPLE whose race does not preclude them from feeling pain, suffering, hopelessness and fear just as we would if we were dropped into the same situation. Recognizing the reality of life in other places, even in the back alleys of the places we call home, is uncomfortable, challenging and propels us into action.

Let yourself know the reality and be propelled into action.

Thank-you to the people (you know who you are) who in your recognition of the human spirit have taken a keen interest in the people with whom we work and love. Your interest, questions and kindness keep my memories alive, keep me accountable to the faith I profess and remind me that we are not alone in helping the cause.

Job Search, take 2

If I ever had fears that I wouldn't find a job in Victoria, they have now been formally set aside. Now my only worry is which job do I accept. Not such a bad problem to have I suppose.

Why am I even talking about jobs, you may ask? Don't I already have a great one at a golf course? I did, but now I don't. I quit at lunch time on day two. While I know this is totally out of character for me, I did it and I feel sooo much better for having done so. It ends up that while I can weed and mow with the best of them, there was a whole lot more landscape design and actual knowledge about the plants required than I was prepared for. Doing the golf course job well and doing my masters at the same time seemed next to impossible or at least panic attack provoking. Had I been looking for a career position in horticulture this would have been an awesome position. However, I am not looking for a new career. I already have one that I am quite happy with and have taken a short break from in order to enhance by way of further study. Which leaves me wondering, what next?

I have applied for several different jobs, most at local nurseries (which still leaves me with the problem of not actually knowing much about local plant species, this not being the tropics) who pay very little and are kind enough to inform me before the interview even starts that I am highly over-qualified for the position and "Oh, by the way, what are your salary expectations?" To which I respond, "LOW". I am a realist and I realize that in this field none of us are out to get rich, and if we are then we are seriously misled! I just need to pay the rent and have time to study. So for now, I am working at a local garden centre until I find a more suitable job. I have been offered an equally low paying job at another garden centre, however, it appears to be more promising, is full time and they won't let me go at the end of the busy season. In fact, they may even send me on a cruise. If I do take this job I will tell you all about the serendipitous circumstances of getting it. Oddly enough, it is all tied into the golf course.

I talked to Clarisse on Saturday and she is well. I do miss her and I long to be back in Central Africa where I feel so much more at home. I feel rather lost here and wish I had people down the street to drop in on. We have been spoiled for the last 6 years but I believe it is possible to find that again, we just have to look in the right places. Maybe spoiled is the wrong word. Maybe it is just that we have lived what life can be and so we long for that again.

I will stop babbling. Our life isn't that dull I suppose. We do live with 10 llamas after all!

I took all my braids out just to look 'normal' for the golf course job, only to quit two days later. I did wash it before I started so, no!, I did not go to work looking like this. Despite the volume, I did lose quite a bit of hair in the process.

During Roy's visit last week we spent an evening doing tourist duty and Roy found an RCMP to have his picture taken with.

Another Stop on the Journey

We are at another stop on the journey, and this one has us back in Victoria, where we were both privileged to grow up. Darren is attending the University of Victoria and is completing a double major in computer science and geography. This will give him what he needs to work in 'Geoinformatics', which is well beyond what I can explain and given what I saw of his math homework, it is way beyond most of the people that I know.

Darren rides to and from school everyday and is doing at least 20km a day, so he is in great shape. Roy and I went to watch him play ultimate the other night and as luck would have it they were short players so both Roy and I had to jump in, saving the team and giving them their second win (just like Vancouver days). Actually, I don't think I did much more than take up space on the field, but that must count for something! Darren is busy most evenings with homework and studying so I am looking forward to starting my courses in May so I won't be pestering Darren with, "I'm bored" statements all the time. Actually, I have plenty of my own things to work on and books to read.

I start a new job tomorrow in the least likely of places. Okay, maybe not THE least likely place, since I am not working in a mall, a fancy office building, or serving in a restaurant, but I am working at Canada's oldest golf course! Yes, I have been hired as the head horticulturalist at a members only golf club in Victoria. Why did they hire me, you may ask. I don't know. But the superintendent is a very nice man, who is very flexible, so I can work in this position all through my schooling, taking the time off I need for my residency periods (3 weeks in May, November and April), the hours are flexible and the setting is the gorgeous Victoria seaside.

What is quite cool is the way I got the job. No, it's not what you are thinking. I didn't bribe them, or use some other method picked up from my time overseas. The week we arrived in Victoria back in December we were introduced to a lady at church who had a suite for rent. The suite is 750 sq. ft. attached to their house and is on a 5 acre llama farm. Yep, those large, camel like creatures that don't make a sound but spit if they don't like you! There are ten of them and they are quite fun to stare at through the bedroom window. Anyway, so when we went to go look at the suite, we knew we wanted it right away. It backs up onto a large park and a golf course under construction. Though it feels quite rural we are only minutes from Langford, the town where I grew up and a fast growing suburb of Victoria. Even at that, we are still only ten minutes drive from Victoria. Our landlady, who I'll call Sue, was telling us about the former tenant, a fellow horticulturalist, and she thought maybe her job was vacant. So she put me together with her former tenant, we talked and the day before I left for CAR I applied for her job. Sue agreed to hold the suite for us until I got back in mid-February, (God bless Sue), which was amazing since it is very hard to find a place to rent here, and the price is much lower than what others are finding here.

While I was in CAR, the golf course guy, let's call him Steve, called Darren wanting to interview me. He agreed for me to call him from CAR and I had my first interview with him from on top of a hill behind our house in Gamboula in order to get good reception. He asked me to call him when I returned to Canada so I did, had another interview out at the course, and I start work tomorrow as the head horticulturalist. Granted I haven't worked in the temperate zone for 6 years, haven't used power tools for a while, don't remember the names of plants or the seasons (yes, we have four seasons here), I am willing to put my best foot forward. As a good friend reminded me today, just take everyday as a day to do your best, work your hardest and find someone to bless. In no time at all, the journey will have you somewhere else and someone will be all the better for your time in Victoria. Maybe that someone will even be me!

Our new home. We are above the garage.

Final thoughts on leaving...

Sunday afternoon we spent visiting Clarisse’s family, including her parents who moved back to Gamboula this January after retiring from the pastorate. In the evening the kids performed a concert for us with songs and bible verses they had each memorized. After the children’s concert we girls sang songs of parting and then headed outside for music and dancing with all the Nguebe teenagers. Half of Clarisse’s family, including her mom and dad and 4 siblings all live on the same concession. On any given day there are some 35 Nguebe’s in one place. We had a great time just laughing and egging each other on. We escorted Vicki back to the house for a good night’s sleep and I returned to Clarisse’s house to spend the night there. We stayed outside under a full moon until nearly 1:00am, dancing, listening to music and ended with a time of prayer with some of the older kids, Eloi and Clarisse. We piled into her bed and then sat up talking for another long while with Nadege before finally falling asleep. We were up at 4:30 Monday morning in order to get the last minute things packed and to be ready for the truck that was leaving at 6:00am sharp. Our parting was filled with sobbing, clinging to one another until the last minute. It was a parting of sweet sorrow as leaving Clarisse meant coming back to Darren.
I have said it before and I think it is worth repeating. Living and working in the CAR is no great physical sacrifice for Darren or I. On the contrary, we love living and working in the CAR. Despite the daily irritations, the constant threat of bandits, and the relative financial insecurity that comes with living in Central Africa, we love it. I love the people, I love travelling around visiting new people, picking up new languages, constantly being challenged. Where the real sacrifice comes in are the wounds to the heart. Even when you think the wounds have healed, the scars remain and scars remain tender for a long time. It’s not just the wounds from being disappointed by people and the church, nor from the pain and sorrow that are in your face every day (like 1 year old twins that weigh 3 kg each), but even more so for me right now are the wounds from having to say good-bye. Leaving one family behind for another. I don’ think it ever gets easy, and if it ever did I think it would be a bad thing. This is the sacrifice we make, this is taking up our cross and following Him, this is allowing ourselves to love and be loved—it involves risking being wounded, knowing that the scars will always remain tender.
The struggle is learning to be content in all things, (read: in all the places that we work and live), yet living with the longing to be near those that we love. Don’t mistake me by thinking it is only Clarisse that I feel torn leaving, as there are others who I love dearly and enjoy my time and conversations with. She is, however, my sister and friend.
Okay, more thoughts to come later.

Clarisse and I-Yaya and Gambe

Dr. WANE Emmanuel and his new computer.

Mr. Bangui! Calvin, our student in Bangui who is finishing grade 11 this year with hopes of graduating high school next year. Thanks to help from our donors, Calvin is able to attend private school this year while public school students are locked out of their schoola because their teachers haven't been paid in months. It is a tragedy.

Martino. That is his name and he is the baby I had the privilege of witnessing enter the world.

Trip Summary-Part Two

Baby Angela. This is Medard and Julienne's one year old who was born just weeks after we left in December 2006. What a cutie!

Chrysler and I giving advice to one of the cooperative members. I am sure he is telling him to clear around his trees and put mulch around them. We must have said the same thing to at least 20 villages in the course of all our travels.

Nadege and I (or is that a white Central African?) teaching a group of women about tree planting. Nadege is an excellent teacher and with a bit more practice will be on her way to teaching women all over the South West.

Vicki and I encouraging a women's group to keep up their hard work.

CAR Trip Summary-Part One

FYI: I am safely back in Victoria, setting up home for what will be an interesting and hopefully fulfilling 2+ years in the great white North. I apologize for neglecting my blog while we have been gone but we had difficulty accessing the internet so here is my feeble attempt at catching up. I think the next series of posts will be random stories and attempts at describing the last 7 weeks.
Overall, our time in CAR was excellent. Despite the chaos around us, a coup attempt in Chad, violence in Kenya and now unrest in Cameroon, CAR is still behind but I see reason for hope. Maybe not on the country level, but at least on the local level, change is slowly taking place and it is encouraging. The nutrition garden is doing better than I expected and looks better than I had hoped. There is a lot of hard work going on and Nadege is giving good leadership in the garden. She has kept records for the past year of what food goes to the nutrition centre daily as well as keeping daily work records. I have a hard time doing that. The nursery looks good despite a severe dry season and a nursery manager who is very new to the job. The new ‘Chef de Centre’, Benoit, is a very upright man who is giving good leadership to the project and his staff. Despite the usual complaints about the head of the project, the guys are very thankful for the spiritual direction that Benoit gives them. Each morning starts with prayer and devotions, led by Benoit and there are obvious signs of the impact in their lives. This was especially evident in the lives of Chrysler and Eloi, our travelling partners.

My travellingpartner, Miss Vicki

Most of our time was spent travelling around the South-West of CAR visiting cooperatives that were formed during our time in CAR. I had been to visit most of the gardens and cooperatives in 2006 so this was a good follow-up to compare how things were going. While many gardens were disappointing in their upkeep there were a few outstanding gardens and despite the harsh dry season, fruit was being harvested. Bayanga was most impressive and we definitely saw the fruit of our labour as well as that of the other missionaries that had spread fruit trees around the pygmy villages. Not only did we see trees fruiting, we saw people walking down the road carrying large jackfruits, peels on the side of the road and fruits for sale. What a joy!

Passionfruit from a coop member in Boukere--delicious!

When we weren’t travelling Vicki spent time working in the nutrition garden or with Ann in the medical depot. I spent many hours meeting with the project staff, helping plan work for 2008, dealing with worker issues and encouraging the Chef to keep up the good work. In the afternoons we visited gardens and fish ponds and even spent one afternoon in a fish pond, pulling out lily pad plants that choke out fish in the pond. We must have spent near 3 hours in the water without a thought for what else might be in there with us. It wasn’t until I got home and told Darren what we did that he asked how many leeches attacked us. LEECHES! Good thing I didn’t think of leeches or I may never have gone in the water in the first place. Yikes! Vicki goes to bed quite early so I spent many evenings with Clarisse, and we even had a couple of sleep over’s. We had a good time catching up, sharing times of laughter, crying and prayer.

Me and Anna, a year older, but still tiny as ever and still my baby!

Leaving was very hard, made even more difficult by the fact that I did not get as much quality time with Clarisse as I had hoped given the amount of travelling we chose to do. The weekend before we left I did all my packing and had all the project staff over for lunch. We had a great time eating, laughing, and trying not to cry as we said our farewell formalities. We ended our time with a slide show on my laptop of photos from ECHO and family Christmas photos. It was a special time for all of us.

Farewell lunch with the project staff.

Giving Birth

The whole idea of giving birth has always been both miraculous and frightening to me. How a child is conceived, develops and then is forced out into the world is so amazing that while I have never really wanted to do it myself, I have wanted to watch the birth of a baby. Not just any baby though. It seemed much too impersonal to wander into the Gamboula Hospital to watch just any woman give birth and then to walk out like it was just another day. I have wanted to watch one of my sisters give birth. I have six of them here, plus 6 in-laws, but every time they have gone into labour, either I haven't been here or it has been the middle of the night and despite my pleas for them to wake me, they haven't.

At the last minute on Saturday night I decided against spending 5 days in Cameroon, given that our time here was drawing short and I haven't had much time with Clarisse at all. You don't want to make your Yaya mad at you, that is for sure. So we didn't go to Cameroon which turned out to be great since on Monday night, Blandine, my sister in-law and mother to Anna ad the twins, went into labour. One of Clarisse's kids came up to tell me that she was in the hospital, so I rushed down only to sit and wait 2 hours for the event to happen.

It was pretty incredible. I am not sure that Canadian mothers-to-be would have liked the set up so much as everyone gives birth in the same room and no men allowed. There is one mid-wife and however many naked women on tables as are in labour at the time. Blandine went in first and while she was having contractions a second lady came in and was out in 20 minutes leaving Blandine to wonder when it was her turn. Once Blandine started pushing a second lady came in; then it was a bit of a race. I was called into the room once they saw the head. I would describe it all for you but I am sure no one really wants to read what it looks like. The cord was wrapped around the head and the baby wasn't in a good position but you can't exactly send it back in to try again, so they pulled it on out. Poor Blandine didn't at all look relieved to have delivered. She was too nervous waiting to see if a second one was coming. Once she realized there was only one she was much relieved.

Clarisse was the one to take the baby and wipe him down, weigh him, measure him and swaddle him up. At this point HE was handed over to me while Blandine got washed up and helped to her room. I have never held a 5 minute old baby and while he wasn't exactly cute, he was pretty miraculous looking and I guarantee I will never forget that little guy as long as I live. I am not sure how to thank Blandine for allowing me to see her in her God-given glory but maybe the smile on my face was enough.

Vicki and I are otherwise fine, in good health and we are very busy. I think if I knew that Darren was on his way here in the next month or so I would be perfectly happy just carrying on. However, I know I have to leave again, and it pains me. I thought it would be easier to leave this time around, but I don't think it will be. I think it will be the same, awful tearing that it was when we left a year ago. I guess some things never get any easier.

Home and Away

Can you be home and away at the same time? Yes! I feel at home in Gamboula and yet I feel away. This is the nature of life here. And I guess I am okay with that.

As a quick aside, this may be my only post until we return to Berberati on the 17th of February on our way home. We are the only ones out here in Gamboula as of tomorrow so we will not have any way to send email. Darren phones me regulary to remind me how many days I have left and to check on how we are. We leave for Bayanga tomorrow and will spend a week checking on the work there.

We returned home safe yesterday afternoon after three long but good days out in the village. However, we returned to the news that Phillipe, the assistant director of the nursing school, had just died. He has been sick for the past year and had just started TB meds last week. What a shock to the hospital. Our trip went well and it was nice to hang out with Chrysler and Eloi. Sosso was Sosso, the group there existing of just 3 members and they were of course scrambling to find a place for us to stay. We ended up at some kind of hotel place, but with no water and Eloi wanted us to bar ourselves into our room as we all felt a little less than 100
percent secure in the town.

Mbiali has grown some since we were last there, and they have managed to build a new school/church next to the pastor's house. He also built a passage (guest house) except it doesn't have any beds. He said he was expecting us to stay the night there but I am not sure what he was thinking since there was nothing to sleep on. We stayed in Bamba but with the concession that we attend church in Mbiali. The trees look great and the Jackfruits are starting to give the first male flowers. Our evening in Bamba was spent talking about the Baka in Mbiali, the church there and all sorts of things to do with development and how best to do it. The hardest thing was seeing that they really do suffer, the children's bellies are full of worms; they are malnourished but not knowing what to do about it. And also knowing that it would be very easy to start something amongst them and feel like you were doing good when in reality you were destroying the last bit of dignity they had left instead of building them up for the future. It was a very difficult time, but I am so thankful for Chrysler and Eloi and their advice.

As I write this I can hear the guys in the wood shop putting together Phillipe's coffin and mourning cries coming from the hospital. Death must be so unbearable for those it leaves behind.

We ate birthday cookies the night we were in Sosso, after we finished our supper at a local restaurant. Tomorrow we will celebrate with a good lunch of couscous, falafel and hummus before we pack up for another week on the road to Bayanga. As I travel I am learning more and more about the culture here, especially from Eloi, and am having to make choices regarding what role I will play in society here. So the question is, who am I? Thankfully, both he and Chrysler have resigned to calling me just plain old Angela.

Feasting on Goat

In all honesty I must admit that I have had a rocky start to my glorious trip back to Central Africa. After 5 nights without any sleep I began to think the strangest thoughts and was afraid that if I never slept again that I would literally go insane. Kim went down to the Berberati hospital to fetch me some Valium in a last ditch attempt at sleep and I was mentally preparing for an early return home. Amazingly, after a half night’s sleep in the village at Remy’s house, I started to feel a little more like myself and have slept every night since, more or less. After my fifth sleepless night I had Darren, Vicki and our hosts wondering what on earth was going on with me. I was hopelessly missing Darren (and still am) but now feel like I can make it to the end of our time here without leaving early.

Vicki is a great person to travel with. She is very easy going, loves people, and has lived in far more primitive conditions than we have here. She is also very forgiving so in my worst moments she shines and she is an incredible friend.

Monday we were treated to a great goat feast at the home of Remy in honour of my ‘home coming’. All the family from around Berberati came to greet us and they were so overjoyed by our presence it is hard to describe in words. I am sure that over the years many short-termers have come and gone with promises that they would be back to visit soon, that they would one day return to work here, but were never heard or seen from again. It was an honour to be so loved and respected by such a wonderful family.

Yesterday we walked around Berberati with Stephane and Riro, our friends from Gamboula and both terrific musicians. We were paraded around town like the golden monkeys from the zoo which isn’t so unusual when half the kids in town haven’t ever seen a white person before. Last night we had a pizza night with the ICDI folks and a lovely Italian nun from the local hospital in Berberati who has lived here 34 years. She is someone who ought to write a book. We even had 4 kinds of ice cream for dessert. You would hardly believe we were in Central Africa. We will be in for a shock when we get to Gamboula where we will be eating beans for the next 5 weeks. Aside from eating in the village, I will be a fully fledged vegetarian for the next 5 weeks.

As much as I am happy to be here, I am also absolutely, terribly missing Darren. It makes it hard to be objective about certain things, and easier to see other things. I don’t want to write it here because I will likely change my mind over the next few weeks.

Tomorrow we have a very busy day. We will be eating lunch with Elise and then will be attending a concert at the Catholic Cultural Centre, where our friends will be performing. Then we are the invited guests at their house for supper, which we hope will be rather speedy as we will be taking off for Gamboula that evening and I know there will be a welcoming party waiting for us down there. I know there will be lots to do there and I know time will go by quickly but when I see that we have 40 days here left, I am not sure if that is a small amount or a large amount at this point. I‘ll let you know when I’m down to 30.

Feasting on Fruit

Written January 5, 2008

As I write this letter Vicki and Paul are outside on the porch sampling two different Jackfruits they just picked off the CTC trees. It is 9:15pm and we just came back from pizza night with Paul and Sheryl and the kids. What a treat.

I have had terrible insomnia the last two nights and so haven’t actually had a nights sleep since Tuesday. I lay down to sleep and my heart rate goes up, my head starts spinning with all kinds of random thoughts and I count the hours on my watch until morning. I feel for anyone who lives like this all the time. So, after a quick trip downtown with Vicki to buy a few supplies, we ran into Sheryl at the store and came back to CTC with her cab and were invited for the pizza night. I am not sure why I can stay up all night worrying about stuff when God proves himself over and over that he is in control and has our best in mind.

Vicki had a nice surprise in the shower this morning. As she bent over to rinse her hair in the freezing cold water she saw a very giant centipede curled up in the corner of a very small shower. I heard her muffled shrieks and while she wrapped a towel around her self I came to the rescue with the dustpan and whisked it away and chucked it into the yard below. Welcome to Africa. Actually, Vicki is the hardiest soul I know so it is a joy to be here with her.

I still miss Darren like crazy, and that may be the source of my insomnia. I am praying for a good nights sleep tonight and maybe once we make it to more familiar territory in Berberati I will sleep like a baby.

Better go pack our bags and be on the road. We have an early start tomorrow and have to be at the airfield at 6:30 for our weigh in (no, not the biggest loser Africa Edition, but close). We will arrive in Berberati at 11:00 for my home coming and hopefully a chance to get on Skype with Darren.

This is not an easy trip. As much as I want to be here, I also long to be with Darren. I love being with Vicki so am praying that my double vision will not hinder my effectiveness in any way. This is a good lesson though. Next time, take Darren with you!

Yaounde

Vicki and I have arrived safe and sound in Yaounde. We were met by our good friend Benoit and ferried direct to the guesthouse where we are staying until Sunday. I really don't like Yaounde. It is a big city (which I am adverse to in the best of countries) and I look forward to getting to CAR as soon as possible. I admire the folks who live and work here. It would not be my first choice that is for sure.

I ventured out early this morning looking for sugar and milk and some phone credit. Had to give Darren a call. Hearing his reassuring voice gives me courage for the journey. Vicki is well and had a good nights sleep which is more than I can say for myself. I think I slept one hour. Can't wait for a siesta today. We have internet today and then again on Sunday.

My sango is coming back quickly as I have been visiting with Benoit and his family. Maybe tomorrow we will venture into town a little. Got to get my courage up for that.

Ange

On the Road to CAR-I am human after all

So leaving is hard. Really hard. I am in the Victoria Airport already having said good bye to Darren and I am still fighting back the tears. We have been together for 15 years and it doesn’t get any easier to be away from each other, it just gets harder. I admit that I was feeling mighty cocky the last 6 months as planning for this trip was underway. Oh, I’ll be fine, 7 weeks is nothing. At this moment I know I will be fine but it isn’t nothing. I was wrong and I’m sorry for ever thinking it was easy.

Someone once describe ‘leaving’ to me before. He said that when we have a strong relationship with someone it is as if the two had really joined and become one. Like two different yarns that were knit together. He said that this is what God intended when he said that the two should become one, that we are knit together. When you separate, even for a time, it means separating out the two and it causes tears in the fabric. It hurts. And it should. It was designed that way. I felt this way when I left my faithful friends in Gamboula and I feel this way now, leaving my most faithful friend and companion.

I am not sure why I am blogging these thoughts. Maybe just to remind you and myself that I am human, that we are supposed to feel and that if it didn’t hurt, something would be wrong. Really wrong.